It's the Little Things (That I Will Never Take for Granted Again)

Flu season has subsided and pollen season has begun. With a little help from allergy meds, I'm trying to get out of the house more often, taking precautions on where I go and how crowded it is, and making sure I wash my hands like a million times a day. I never thought I'd have an appreciation for running errands like I do now. I will never again take for granted the ability to run an errand anywhere, especially to be able to do it by myself. After you have a kid, errand running changes and going to the grocery store by yourself is a huge treat, but now going anywhere, whether it's with someone or by myself, is pure excitement.

I have to be extra cautious right now so I don't get sick. I can't be around anyone who is or has recently been sick because a cold for one person could be a hospital stay for me. Chemo would have to be put on hold, and that would impact my entire treatment schedule. So for the past several months, I have not been anywhere outside of my house besides a doctor's office or the hospital. Thankfully I love my house, especially in the Spring and Summer, but being a hermit starts to take its toll on you after awhile. I've had many friends come hang out with me at my house, and for that I am eternally grateful. I certainly would have lost my mind by now if it weren't for my friends and their visits!

One weeknight a couple of weeks ago, John and I decided to scoop up Olivia and take a family field trip to the mall. Olivia was in desperate need of some new shoes (as in she had one pair that fit and she can't wear Nike's with everything) and I was in desperate need of socialization. I knew the mall would be dead at night in the middle of the week, so I felt like it would be a good chance to get out. And what a pathetically magical experience it was!

Unfortunately, my child has abnormally wide feet, so we came home empty handed in the shoe department. I did manage to find her a new outfit and a swimsuit, though. A little retail therapy never hurts. Side note: Two weeks later Olivia now has a pair of Crocs (I HATE Crocs, so there's some bitter irony there) and a pair of shoes that squeak when she walks (appropriately named Squeakers - thank God you can remove the squeak) because those are the only things that will fit her fat little feet. Tootsies in Forest Acres is apparently the only place in town we are going to be able to find her shoes that will fit, which doesn't bother me because they are super helpful there. I highly recommend going there if you are in the Columbia area, have little ones and need actual help finding shoes. Anyway, back to my super exciting mall outing...

I wasn't ready when it came time to go home and get Olivia to bed; I just wanted to sit in the mall and bask in the glory until it closed. The elation I felt after having been out of the house to go somewhere besides a doctor's office was inexplicable. The fact that I wanted to hang out in a mall says a lot because I typically don't like shopping very much. I do all of my research online before I go so I have an idea of what I'm looking for and can get in and out as quickly as possible. But I got a taste of normal life and I wanted more.

Later that week, thirsting for more normalcy, I baked a cake. My mother recently found some of my grandmother's old cake recipes and I was itching to attempt one. We have been searching for these recipes for years now and when my mother found them it was literally the best thing that has happened to me all year (so far - here's hoping for a successful stem cell transplant!). Helping my grandmother bake birthday cakes was one of my favorite things to do when I was younger and baking always makes me feel better. I was now up to performing two normal tasks in a week's time!

I've decided that as long as I'm feeling okay and my blood work looks good, I should try and venture out somewhere other than the doctor at least once a week. I still can't go anywhere crowded, but at this point it's exciting to go anywhere. What I wouldn't give to go to Target, but that is still pushing it at this point (so many germs up in Target!). Plus I'd end up buying like everything in the store out of excitement, and I need to practice some restraint. 

I am now on my last cycle of chemo, heading into the home stretch for the stem cell transplant. I will take my last dose on 4/13! I travel to Emory on 4/20 and 4/21 for a myriad of pre-transplant evaluation tests, one of which is another bone marrow biopsy (cheers to the Ativan and Dilaudid cocktail I'll get before that - those of you who visited me in the hospital the day I had the first biopsy know how with it I was that day, haha). The biopsy will tell us how successful the chemo has been. I travel back to Emory on 4/28 to discuss the results and (hopefully - as long as the results are good) sign the consent for the transplant.

I don't have the schedule for the rest of the process, but I estimate I'll be in Atlanta towards the end of May for the transplant. Happy 40th birthday to my husband, by the way. A party in the hospital was not how I envisioned celebrating his big birthday. John doesn't care at all because he just wants me to get better, but I have been thinking about his 40th for many years now. Probably since his 31st, which was the first birthday I spent with him. We drank a lot of beer that weekend - I'm amazed sometimes that I lived long enough to get cancer at 33 ;-). We threw some pretty epic birthday parties in the years following, although the year he proposed to me on his birthday will probably never be beat. He surprised the hell out of me, even making sure to piss me off in the process of hiding it from me, just to make extra sure I wasn't on to him. I love that man. He can just stay 39 for another year and I'll throw him a big party next year. Because I said so.

Anyway, after I sign consent, I will have to come home and give myself shots (correction: my awesome neighbor, Alice, will give me shots so I don't have to do it) to stimulate stem cell growth. I will take these shots for a week before going back to Atlanta for the stem cell harvest. The harvest will take anywhere from 1-3 days, as they will be collecting enough stem cells for three transplants. I will likely have to have another transplant in the future, as they can't guarantee I'll stay in remission forever, so they want to collect as much as they can up front. 

The harvest won't be too bad. I do have to get another port put in (I have one in my left arm and they have to put another in my chest for the harvest - the arm port is where I've been getting all of my intravenous drug drips, fluids and transfusions so they don't have to prick me for an IV like every week). They will hook me up to the same machine that is used for plasma donations, my blood will come out, spin around in a contraption that will separate the stem cells, the stem cells will be collected and my blood will be returned to me. I'll keep the chest port in until I come back for the transplant and they'll transplant the stem cells back via that same port.

Following the harvest, my body gets a couple weeks to rest (woohoo!) and then I'll be back in Atlanta for my super duper dose of chemo and the actual transplant. I will be in the hospital for 2.5 weeks for the transplant and recovery. Depending on how well I recover, I may get to go straight home from the hospital. However, they may have me stay in Atlanta for another week and a half for follow up appointments. 

After I come home from Atlanta, I'll basically be on lock down again for a little while. My immune system will be equivalent to that of a newborn and it will take a few months for it to build back up. So I fully expect my friends to come hang out with my bald ass by the pool this summer :-). I'll have lots of sunscreen for everyone since I don't want to add Melanoma to the list of cancers my friends and I have been diagnosed with lately (because no, I am not the only person from my group of friends who has been diagnosed with cancer this year - seriously, FUCK cancer).

So that's what I know right now. I know I miss running errands and I know I have some tests coming up once my fourth cycle of chemo is through. I also know I'm throwing an epic 40th + 1 birthday party for John next year. Also be on the lookout for Anne's Fuck Cancer Party to be scheduled for the end of the Summer when my immune system has recovered. 

When I get the biopsy results back I should have the rest of the plan laid out. Until then I'll try to continue cooking here and there and getting out of the house some!